November 20, 2001
broke
hungry during my lunch hour today, i went out to the car dealership to a) see about getting my seat belt fixed, since the car is still under warranty and b) to talk to a guy about lease-end options, since my lease will be up next spring. on the way back to my office, my mind was spinning with the possibilities...should i trade it in for a brand new toyota? should i turn it in and go someplace else to get the car i really want (or more realistically, its more affordable "sister"? or should i go with my plan to buy my car when the lease is up? the greatest thing about that option is, my monthly payment would drop by about $100, even with tax, title, and extended warranty.
even with all this buzzing around in my head, i did manage to get off the highway at the proper exit and there, at the end of the exit ramp, was a sight that i see more and more of every day: a person standing there, holding a sign, hoping against all hope that a car will stop and some decent person will help make today just a tiny bit better.
it was this woman's sign, tho, that really got me...that, and the fact that she was a woman (they "get to me" the most). her sign didn't read, "will work for food" or "laid off, please help". it read, simply:
broke
hungry
i pulled over, rolled down my window, and gave her a coupla dollars. it wasn't much (as i told her, rather awkwardly), but she gave me a smile that probably hasn't seen a dentist in decades, if ever, and said, "god bless you." i had tears in my eyes as i pulled away, turned left at the light, and headed back to work...wanting to stay and ask her what else she needed, what else i could do, and simultaneously too afraid (or something...) to do that.
sometimes i am forced to acknowledge the degree to which i obsess over the most petty, insignificant "problems"...slight inconveniences, really...that irk or frustrate me on a daily basis. even my realproblems pale in comparison to those experienced every day by this woman on the exit ramp and millions of others like her who must resort to begging for money, food, shelter, and other necessities that i sometimes take for granted, even tho i make an effort not to.
i was also struck by the instantaneous memory of the myriad times i have seen such a person...downtown at the bus stop, at a busy intersection, at other highway exit ramps, or those who have come up to me in a parking lot and knocked politely (scaring the bejeezus outta me, nonetheless) on my window to ask for help...and thought to myself, "geeeeez, get a job already!"
part of that mentality comes from growing up primarily in rural areas, where the typical proud farmer would go up into the attic and shoot himself in the head before he'd ask a stranger for money or food...which means that i never saw a homeless person or was approached and asked for money until i moved to this city 14 years ago. part of it comes from the fact that i have gone through hard times, and know people who have gone through much harder times, and wehaven't had to resort to such drastic measures!
the fact remains, however, that, despite my so-called "financial struggles," i am solidly "middle class". and...even if i amstill paying back the student loans that financed my undergraduate education, which i finished almost 15 years ago...at least i hadthe opportunity to go to college, and then to graduate school, in the first place.
so...in this week that's supposed to be about giving thanks...i most certainly will not forget to give mine.
2:29 PM
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