November 13, 2001
[insert new topic here] i'm sure that anyone who's accessed this page (i know there are a couple of you out there *grin*) is thinking, "what is WITH this woman? when is she ever going to stop whining and talk about something ELSE??" so...here's what you've been waiting for!
last week, s. and i went to a luncheon for the university's gay/lesbian/bi/trans faculty and staff. they're held quarterly, but this was the first we'd attended, and it was a spur-of-the-moment kinda thing. the vp for human resources was there to talk about "soft" benefits for domestic partners, in the absence of the "hard" ones...e.g., the ones our antiquated board of trustees refuses to approve, because they're waiting for the state to institute full benefits for domestic partners first. (hellllllooooo?? am i crazy, or don't colleges and universities exist to be at the forefront of new thinking and new practice? but that's a whole 'nother topic...). the provost was also there, to talk about what the university and its lobbyists are doing to prevent the heinous "defense of marriage act" from being passed by the ohio senate (it already made it thru the house, much to most people's surprise and chagrin). it was a decent program...both speakers seemed genuine in their commitment to the group and our concerns. i do think they could probably be doing more to advance our causes...but the fact that they were even there says something. (the president of the university is supposed to be at the next luncheon.)
nevertheless, i was disappointed. for one thing, s. was the ONLY person of color in the entire room of 60 or so people. my thought is that gay/lesbian/bi/trans people of color probably have so much else to worry about in their jobs (including the everyday, institutionalized racism that we KNOW permeates this and every other institution...with the exception, i suppose, of HBCUs), that whether or not the university decides to grant full benefits to domestic partners is of little (or no) concern to them, at least at this point. still...it was sad. i know that she feels isolated in instances like these, and i almost feel it too.
and then...there's this colleague of mine, whom i've actually known (through mutual friends) outside of work for a number of years...and he was there. for the most part, i guess he's a nice guy...but during our conversation, he kept talking about a football game years ago, which he was sure that he and s. had gone to together. she and i both kept saying, "no, i don't think so," hoping that he would just drop it. but he didn't...he kept at it, trying to narrow down the year, which game, etc....he just kept pushing. in a nutshell, he had confused s. with my ex...with whom he DID go to a football game years ago...my ex, who also happens to be a black woman.
now, s. and my ex look nothing alike. i suppose it was that ridiculous "'they' all look alike" thing. it was awkward, and i know he felt stupid after i told him that was someone ELSE with whom he'd gone to that game (which he deserved). but i hated that he and his persistent ignorance put s. into this awkward position, and forced me to finally have to say, "no, that was my ex...." why couldn't he have just gotten the hint and dropped it??
i hate it when that happens. it's not the first time. i'm fortunate that s. and my ex are actually friends...which i think perhaps minimized any weird feeling s. would have by being confused with my ex, by someone who doesn't know any better (or think before he speaks). but that doesn't change the fact that some (white) people are just plain stupid.
2:43 PM
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