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i am: 40...a capricorn / moon in pisces / libra rising...an old soul with a young spirit...older than i look...contemplating my 3rd tattoo...NOT a web designer...a lesbian...working things out with the g.f....a native iowan...a graduate of cornell college and ohio state...a critical reader and thinker...really rather shy...agnostic...an ardent feminist...a bleeding-heart liberal...a pacifist...and so not your average white grrl...
e-mail me
feeling generous? *grin*
Who Links Here
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June 06, 2002
all about him...it's not just my sister...it seems i'm surrounded by people who believe that "it's all about them." this morning, my boss ("r"...who is a gay man) and i both received a (listserv) e-mail from the faculty/staff glbt group on campus, announcing a women's dance. it's a quarterly chem-free event, sponsored by BRAVO (the Buckeye Region Anti-Violence Organization...not the restaurant), lba, w.o.w., and stonewall. the announcement was thoroughly innocuous...perhaps with the exception that, this time, the event is being held on campus.
a few minutes later, r came into my office and asked, "did you get my e-mail?" i hadn't yet, as it's his usual (and extremely annoying) practice to send an e-mail to one of us in this very small office of 4...and then, seconds later, to walk in, sit down, and ask if we've gotten his e-mail yet (which, of course, we usually haven't, since most people's e-mail settings don't prescribe "checking for new mail" every millisecond). so i do a manual check for new e-mail and see his comments on the announcement as follows:
I find this offensive and exclusionary -- only open to women? What about the gay men in the community that are supportive of lesbian issues.... just my morning editorial..... and of course, he was in a mood to talk about it. *rolling one eye*
i start by explaining that "some women" feel a need for women-only space...if for no other reason than that, because we live in a generally sexist and arguably misogynist society, the rest of the world is set up for / to cater primarly to men. a simple concept, no?
"but what about those of us men, particularly gay men, who are supportive of women?" he asks. (this from a man who discriminates against the very (2) women who report to him, by treating the one man who reports to him like an "assistant director," ensuring that he's paid more than we are despite the fact that the three of us are supposed to be "peers," etc., etc., etc., ad nauseum). fighting a very strong desire to roll my eyes, i explain that "many women" don't really perceive that support from men. (just one) case in point: compare the numbers of female AIDS activists to the numbers of male breast/cervical cancer activists.
"but you can't even compare the two...AIDS is transmitted. cancer just happens." (uhhhh...did i happen to mention that r is a complete IDIOT)?? i almost fly off the proverbial handle...not quite...but almost. i ask him why that difference means that men can't be empathetic and supportive of women facing these types of health crises (he hems and haws and doesn't answer). i go on to explain that cancer among lesbians been linked to the fact that we tend not to have regular medical appointments (which, for many, is because we get tired of homophobic...or at the very least, heterosexist...doctors asking that "are you sexually active?" question and expecting that each of us who answers "yes" should be practicing birth control)...and also to the smaller likelihood (tho not necessarily much smaller, given the recent and growing "gayby boom" phenomenon) that we will give birth at some point during our lifetimes.
he just stared at me as if i were from outer space...mumbled something about how that was "just his opinion"...and walked out, claiming to be late for a meeting (fabricating meetings to get him out of uncomfortable situations/conversations being another of his practices).
it was a simple announcement about a women's dance...and still, he managed to make it all about him.
4:26 PM
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