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i am: 40...a capricorn / moon in pisces / libra rising...an old soul with a young spirit...older than i look...contemplating my 3rd tattoo...NOT a web designer...a lesbian...working things out with the g.f....a native iowan...a graduate of cornell college and ohio state...a critical reader and thinker...really rather shy...agnostic...an ardent feminist...a bleeding-heart liberal...a pacifist...and so not your average white grrl...
e-mail me
feeling generous? *grin*
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July 31, 2002
4 veracities and 1 falsehoodi'm jumping on the spud wagon WAY past the 5th potato, but what the hell? (i won't be sharing any sexual exploits, but oh, how i wish i hadn't already blogged about driving a combine....)
1) i lunched with martin scorsese.
2) upon receiving a "dear johnette" letter from the guy i'd been dating, i marked all the spelling and grammatical errors in red ink and mailed it back to him.
3) i once saw a group of college students playing twister with roy lichtenstein.
4) i enrolled in high school, college, and graduate school without ever having visited that campus.
5) after meeting bill clinton and al gore, i received a letter from each, thanking me for my time and efforts.
1:23 PM
July 24, 2002
the best laid plans...i had great intentions of blogging at length about sunday's (FABulous) ursula rucker concert at little brother's and my particularly awful vacation (mon)day—featuring a split-nail toe-stubbing, a freaked-out feline, and a fender bender—and of making a contribution as potato number five. but alas, after hearing yesterday of an impending (now completed) job interview (keep those digits crossed)—and spending most of yesterday preparing for it—i've got some other fish to fry. peace....
2:57 PM
July 19, 2002
women rule!or at least they should. check this out.
as if it weren't cool enough that these women protested peacefully AND got results (assuming that chevron texaco follows through on their "unprecedented company pledge"), here's the kicker:The peaceful, all-woman protest was a departure for the oil-rich Niger Delta, where armed men frequently use kidnapping and sabotage to pressure oil multinationals into giving them jobs, protection, money or compensation for alleged environmental damage.
hmmmmm. kidnapping and sabotage...or peaceful protest? you decide. i'll just sit here and ponder how the world would be different if women were running it....*grin*
1:16 PM
July 11, 2002
a piece of the puzzleIt's an old confusion, people turning into things. When folks is gone (sold, dead, run-off), you got a corn husk doll, a walnut-shell ring, fingertips of dirt on the hem of a dress. It happened so much, maybe now things turn into people.—alice randall, the wind done gone if i were a cartoon character, a lightbulb would have suddenly appeared above my head when i came upon this passage in this book (which, by the way, is described as "a provocative literary parody that explodes the mythology perpetuated by" gone with the wind and is definitely worth a read).
in books like all about love: new visions and salvation: black people and love, bell hooks discusses how racism, as a legacy of slavery, has affected the ability of black people in this country to form healthy, nurturing, and lasting love relationships. what struck me about this passage from alice randall is that it speaks to yet another legacy of slavery: the conflation/confusion of things and human beings that has its roots in the fact that (white) people actually owned other (black) people.
i've often wondered how it is that hyper-conspicuous consumption, an overwhelming obsession with "bling-bling," and the devaluation of women as objects have become so pervasive in not just hip hop culture, but in the lives of a whole lotta otherwise "regular folks." i mean, i think that most of us want to live comfortably, and not have to scramble just to have a few small luxuries—a dependable car, a comfortable place to live, enough extra money for an occasional new outfit or dinner at someplace besides taco bell…not to mention that we’d like to not have to scramble for the necessities. but come on…are 5 multi-million-dollar homes, 15 expensive, custom-made cars and iced-out everything REALLY necessary?? when these are the standards by which we “regular folks” are encouraged to judge our own success, what happens to the things that are truly important—things like love, laughter, humility, compassion, respect for others? what happens is, they often end up being devalued…sometimes completely.
i'm acutely aware that racism and its various manifestations can affect, in myriad ways, the relationship of black people to money and material possessions. i also know that black folks certainly don’t have the monopoly on obsession with that money and those possessions...and that sometimes it’s just about poverty, and race isn’t even really a part of the equation.
yet somehow, alice randall’s painfully beautiful words about this “old confusion” represented, to me, a piece of the puzzle.
2:20 PM
July 08, 2002
hurry, hurry!if you move fast, you can download 2 new songs by meshell ndegéocello over at the definitive (and official) meshell web site. yes, i said new...that means they're brand new and don't yet appear on any album. the songs are forgiveness & love and fellowship, the latter of which was so beautiful live (in cleveland) that i actually forgot to listen to the words.
but hurry, 'cause matthew's not leavin' them up there forever.
12:46 PM
July 02, 2002
dykes with tykesi just learned that my first grrlfriend (circa 1986-88) is 5 months pregnant!! there is a definite cornell college alumna lesbian baby boom goin' on...e and her partner l join our college friends c, whose partner, d, is pregnant with twins and due in late july/august; and l, who (with her partner k) just had a baby boy in april. babies, babies, babies!
as i was saying to nappi not too long ago, i went thru a phase last fall/winter during which all i could think about was babies. i watched episode after episode of a baby story on the learning channel. i took greater interest in the babies and pregnancies of colleagues, acquaintances, and even strangers. i fantasized daily about what our baby would look like...where we would shop for baby clothes and shoes...how our families would react...whether my parents would treat a baby that we adopted, or to whom s had actually given birth, as they would any other grandchild...what it would be like to be a mom...what it would feel like to have my child caress my face in that way that small children do...what i would feel the first time our child said, "mommy? i love you."
the phase subsided somewhat (only to be replaced by the same kinda thing being experienced by s!!), tho it was probably more accurately a transition. now, it just seems like we talk about it a whole lot more. pretty much agreeing about boys' names but not coming up with any acceptable girls' names...thinking out loud about our baby's last name (whose name would come first, whether or not they would be hyphenated)...how we would go about choosing a school...issues of discipline ("...no child of MINE will run around this store like THAT...")...the things (financial and otherwise) that we want to accomplish, or at least start, before we embark on the adventure of a child...and so many other elements and factors and and issues and decisions to be made.
there is a scene in the "2000" vignette of if these walls could talk 2 during which fran (sharon stone) and kal (ellen degeneres) are talking about the baby they have tried (and failed) repeatedly to conceive. kal says (something to the effect of), "it's not fair. why can't we just make a baby with our love?" i couldn't get thru that scene dry-eyed. it's not fair that the physical expression of the deep and lasting love between s and me can't bring a baby...our baby...a profoundly wanted baby...into this world. babies have certainly been brought into the world with a lot less than that...with parents who were "just fucking"...who don't want babies, or a baby right now...who don't know how to take care of children and don't want to learn...who abuse and neglect their kids...who don't want to be together, as a couple or even just as parents...who cheat on and lie to and hurt each other.... *sigh* how can that be construed as fair? yet many would argue that it's completely fair, because "it's just not natural" for two women (or two men) to have children, or to want to have children, or to expect that we should be able to.
fortunately, i really don't give a damn what "many" think (about this particular issue, anyway). i'm just as terrified by the prospect of motherhood as i've always been; i just think that, now, i want it more. i want it enough to face that fear head-on, and to tackle the obstacles that we'll face as "non-traditional" parents. i'm not saying that this is gonna happen anytime soon...i think that within the next year or two would be pushing it. but it's gonna happen. my boobala and i are gonna have a baby. and that baby will grow up in a house full of love.
2:19 PM
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