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i am: 40...a capricorn / moon in pisces / libra rising...an old soul with a young spirit...older than i look...contemplating my 3rd tattoo...NOT a web designer...a lesbian...working things out with the g.f....a native iowan...a graduate of cornell college and ohio state...a critical reader and thinker...really rather shy...agnostic...an ardent feminist...a bleeding-heart liberal...a pacifist...and so not your average white grrl...
e-mail me
feeling generous? *grin*
Who Links Here
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July 02, 2002
dykes with tykesi just learned that my first grrlfriend (circa 1986-88) is 5 months pregnant!! there is a definite cornell college alumna lesbian baby boom goin' on...e and her partner l join our college friends c, whose partner, d, is pregnant with twins and due in late july/august; and l, who (with her partner k) just had a baby boy in april. babies, babies, babies!
as i was saying to nappi not too long ago, i went thru a phase last fall/winter during which all i could think about was babies. i watched episode after episode of a baby story on the learning channel. i took greater interest in the babies and pregnancies of colleagues, acquaintances, and even strangers. i fantasized daily about what our baby would look like...where we would shop for baby clothes and shoes...how our families would react...whether my parents would treat a baby that we adopted, or to whom s had actually given birth, as they would any other grandchild...what it would be like to be a mom...what it would feel like to have my child caress my face in that way that small children do...what i would feel the first time our child said, "mommy? i love you."
the phase subsided somewhat (only to be replaced by the same kinda thing being experienced by s!!), tho it was probably more accurately a transition. now, it just seems like we talk about it a whole lot more. pretty much agreeing about boys' names but not coming up with any acceptable girls' names...thinking out loud about our baby's last name (whose name would come first, whether or not they would be hyphenated)...how we would go about choosing a school...issues of discipline ("...no child of MINE will run around this store like THAT...")...the things (financial and otherwise) that we want to accomplish, or at least start, before we embark on the adventure of a child...and so many other elements and factors and and issues and decisions to be made.
there is a scene in the "2000" vignette of if these walls could talk 2 during which fran (sharon stone) and kal (ellen degeneres) are talking about the baby they have tried (and failed) repeatedly to conceive. kal says (something to the effect of), "it's not fair. why can't we just make a baby with our love?" i couldn't get thru that scene dry-eyed. it's not fair that the physical expression of the deep and lasting love between s and me can't bring a baby...our baby...a profoundly wanted baby...into this world. babies have certainly been brought into the world with a lot less than that...with parents who were "just fucking"...who don't want babies, or a baby right now...who don't know how to take care of children and don't want to learn...who abuse and neglect their kids...who don't want to be together, as a couple or even just as parents...who cheat on and lie to and hurt each other.... *sigh* how can that be construed as fair? yet many would argue that it's completely fair, because "it's just not natural" for two women (or two men) to have children, or to want to have children, or to expect that we should be able to.
fortunately, i really don't give a damn what "many" think (about this particular issue, anyway). i'm just as terrified by the prospect of motherhood as i've always been; i just think that, now, i want it more. i want it enough to face that fear head-on, and to tackle the obstacles that we'll face as "non-traditional" parents. i'm not saying that this is gonna happen anytime soon...i think that within the next year or two would be pushing it. but it's gonna happen. my boobala and i are gonna have a baby. and that baby will grow up in a house full of love.
2:19 PM
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