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i am: 40...a capricorn / moon in pisces / libra rising...an old soul with a young spirit...older than i look...contemplating my 3rd tattoo...NOT a web designer...a lesbian...working things out with the g.f....a native iowan...a graduate of cornell college and ohio state...a critical reader and thinker...really rather shy...agnostic...an ardent feminist...a bleeding-heart liberal...a pacifist...and so not your average white grrl...
e-mail me
feeling generous? *grin*
Who Links Here
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September 11, 2002
this daywhen my brother died unexpectedly in 1999, i grieved less for myself than i did for my sister-in-law, who had just lost her husband of almost 30 years...and for my niece and nephew, who (at the ages of 14 and 21) had just lost their dad. they were the ones who had lived with jeff for all those years...who knew him better than anyone else...who would miss him the most. but the fact that i was grieving more for them and less for myself didn't diminish that grief. in fact, i think it only served to intensify it.
one year ago today, and for several weeks afterward, i experienced a similar feeling of grief—only magnified by thousands. i was fortunate to lose no one close to me on that day, but it almost felt like i had. i mean...everyone felt like shit that day...but compared to most everyone i talked to, i seemed to be taking it to a whole 'nother level. it wasn't so much the news footage that flooded my mind (as pervasive as it was), but the images of what the people on those planes and in those buildings had experienced—the panic and fear, the grief of knowing they'd never see their loved ones again—as well as the pain and loss that their families and friends were only just beginning to endure. in the days that followed, i gave a name to what i was feeling: hyper-empathy (it was weeks before i found out that it was actually a word, and that i hadn't just made it up myself!). my boobala told me this morning that i'm a "weight-of-the-world kinda chick." however you want to say it, i've been fighting tears—and the urge to throw up—all day. i think the funk i've been in for the last coupla weeks has been dread that this day was just around the corner.
i'm not reading the papers today. i've only listened to a few minutes of radio. i've watched no television. and tonite, we're going straight from the gym to rent-a-flick, for dvds galore. i don't need the "calvacade of platitudes" (props to donald for coining that phrase), or gratuitous flag-waving, or public memorials ad nauseum, to remind me what was going on, one year ago today. i'm so sick of all that. what we need to be doing is remembering all the people WORLDWIDE who've lost their lives and their loved ones to terrorism...including the terrorism perpetuated by the united states.
*sigh* i'm out. peace and love to you all....
4:31 PM
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