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i am: 40...a capricorn / moon in pisces / libra rising...an old soul with a young spirit...older than i look...contemplating my 3rd tattoo...NOT a web designer...a lesbian...working things out with the g.f....a native iowan...a graduate of cornell college and ohio state...a critical reader and thinker...really rather shy...agnostic...an ardent feminist...a bleeding-heart liberal...a pacifist...and so not your average white grrl...
e-mail me
feeling generous? *grin*
Who Links Here
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March 28, 2003
okay...i stopped. i breathed. i read a little of this. i feel better now.
seize. the. day.
2:28 PM
the reality of iti just read this, courtesy of jason. "shocked" by images of death and violence? what exactly did the adults quoted in this article think war would look like?
i wonder if so many people in this country, or anywhere in the world, would support this or any war...if they bothered to stop and think and see that war = brains blown out of skulls, and bodies torn completely apart, and blood everywhere, and the lives of innocent people obliterated.
and then, of course, there's that little issue of ever-growing anti-american sentiment, once people actually do realize what this war is doing. how many "911"s have to happen before people see that we can't just go around the world—deciding what's best for everyone, and waging war, and trying to kill and/or replace certain leaders—without repercussions?
okay...i need to stop. and breathe.
1:45 PM
March 24, 2003
out of the looplast nite i talked to my dad, who told me that my sister—yes, the same sister who dumped me from her wedding party and blew off my birthday, and to whom i haven't actually spoken since her wedding—has been here for two weeks, that she and her husband sold their house, and that she has three job offers (here, or for this joint, either here or here).
never mind that our country is at war and it's weird disconcerting scary to have family overseas anyplace, even in europe. never mind that 3 job offers is pretty big news, especially after the hell of working, and then not working, here. never mind that my sister is off gallivanting in spain, while her husband works on the house and deals with this (which, by the way, i learned of by chance, 6 weeks after the fact, because a grad student in s's department happened to show her a related article in the wall street journal). never mind that no one in my family bothered to mention any of this to me until now, or at all.
i'm fine. really.
2:47 PM
March 21, 2003
i had missed'ed her.
4:22 PM
george & tony in lovethis is the funniest thing i've seen in a long, long time.
9:42 AM
March 20, 2003
hey...i didn't vote for him.when i was in college, my dad used to drive over on an occasional sunday afternoon and rescue me from my tiny dorm room and a seemingly endless pile of homework. on one such outing, we went to see platoon. when i emerged from the theater in tears, my dad (who, incidentally, had been "too young for korea" and "too old for vietnam") wanted to understand why i was so upset. i tried to explain how—as if the horrors of war from the perspective of the "enemy" weren't heinous enough—i just couldn't understand how a country—any country—could send its own citizens to war, knowing the psychological and emotional damage it does to the soldiers (and pretty much everyone, really)—even if there was some way that each soldier could make it out physically intact (which we all know there isn't).
just as i remember when, during the last church service i chose to attend, i knew i could no longer call myself a christian...just as i remember the precise moment when i kissed a woman for the very first time and knew, without a shred of doubt, that i was a lesbian...and just as i remember when i looked down at the (bone-in) chicken breast i was eating, felt suddenly sick, and knew i'd be a vegetarian...(big, defining moments, they were)...i can identify that conversation with my dad as the moment i realized i was a pacifist.
i don't understand how the people of this country could, with any conscience, elect a leader from a state that boasted—actually boasted—the highest rate of execution of "criminals" (so-called, because we all know there are innocent people who end up on death row) of any state in the nation. i don't understand how there are people in this country—i'm guessing at least 60 percent, and that's probably naive—who are still supporting this so-called "leader" and the conflict, death, and destruction that he's so hell-bent on pursuing.
a big part of me is glad that i don't understand...because, if i did? what kind of person would i be?? but i just don't get it. my brain, which always needs to make sense of everything—even when it makes no sense to make sense of it—just can't wrap itself around everything that's going on in the world right now. i'm frustrated and unfocused and short-tempered and always tired...and fighting fear.
i sometimes find myself "praying"...as a self-proclaimed agnostic, i'm not exactly sure to whom (or what)...but i've been doing it a lot lately. an old habit, perhaps. more likely, a way to feel like i have some modicum of control over what's going on in the world. to fool myself into thinking, if only momentarily, that i have "a say".
i've been "praying" for peace. but it doesn't seem like anyone's listening.
1:13 PM
March 05, 2003
the shady aftermathwell, the big move is over. it didn’t go quite as smoothly as s and i had hoped, but...do they ever? it doesn’t matter if you’re moving down the street (as we did) or across the country...moving sucks. for the last week and a half, i have been so tired at the end of every day (which, incidentally, has actually moved into the first coupla hours of the next day), that it doesn’t even matter barely matters that we don’t have cable yet (time-warner screwed up BIG-time, so no cable until march 11, despite our march 1 “appointment”); i wouldn’t be able to stay awake for anything, anyway.
i am sick, however, that i missed the season premiere of six feet under! i was somehow thinking that it wasn’t until the end of the month, so it came and went and i didn’t even realize it until i was reading j yesterday. i went to the web site, so at least i have a sense of what’s going on...but will have to figure out when they’re showing it (and the next episode) again. it sounds like this season is even more intriguing than the last two, with the deepening “parallel universe” theme and all.
[sidebar: speaking of six feet under, i read someplace that one of my fave actors directed several episodes last season and will appear on the show this season as a friend of ruth’s. cool.]
so anyway, now we’re recovering. trying to create some semblance of normal life amidst more boxes than i’ve ever seen in a single place before. trying to sleep in a house that doesn’t feel like home yet...more like a really messy hotel room (where i also tend to have trouble sleeping). unpacking, unpacking, unpacking. replacing ugly “brass” bathroom hardware and cheap white plastic light switch and outlet covers. plotting our purchases of area rugs and just the right new wall decor. (are you sensing a theme, here? *grin*)
some of it’s more fun than it is work, but i really can’t wait to be totally unpacked, settled, and able to actually cook a meal in our own kitchen.
first, tho, we head out of town for an entire weekend of big ten women’s basketball (yay, us!). ohio state went unbeaten at home this season and secured their highest seed in several years (4th), but also proved that they struggle to win away games. so, we’ll see how it goes. the really fun thing about conferences like the big ten is, any team can pretty much beat any other team, no matter how unlikely it may seem. if the buckeyes do well, we’ll be in indianapolis until at least sunday. if they do really well, we won’t be back until tuesday, and they’ll go to the ncaa’s for the first time in a decade. (yay, them!)
so...the last bits of unpacking will just have to wait.
11:08 AM
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