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i am: 40...a capricorn / moon in pisces / libra rising...an old soul with a young spirit...older than i look...contemplating my 3rd tattoo...NOT a web designer...a lesbian...working things out with the g.f....a native iowan...a graduate of cornell college and ohio state...a critical reader and thinker...really rather shy...agnostic...an ardent feminist...a bleeding-heart liberal...a pacifist...and so not your average white grrl...
e-mail me
feeling generous? *grin*
Who Links Here
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March 20, 2003
hey...i didn't vote for him.when i was in college, my dad used to drive over on an occasional sunday afternoon and rescue me from my tiny dorm room and a seemingly endless pile of homework. on one such outing, we went to see platoon. when i emerged from the theater in tears, my dad (who, incidentally, had been "too young for korea" and "too old for vietnam") wanted to understand why i was so upset. i tried to explain how—as if the horrors of war from the perspective of the "enemy" weren't heinous enough—i just couldn't understand how a country—any country—could send its own citizens to war, knowing the psychological and emotional damage it does to the soldiers (and pretty much everyone, really)—even if there was some way that each soldier could make it out physically intact (which we all know there isn't).
just as i remember when, during the last church service i chose to attend, i knew i could no longer call myself a christian...just as i remember the precise moment when i kissed a woman for the very first time and knew, without a shred of doubt, that i was a lesbian...and just as i remember when i looked down at the (bone-in) chicken breast i was eating, felt suddenly sick, and knew i'd be a vegetarian...(big, defining moments, they were)...i can identify that conversation with my dad as the moment i realized i was a pacifist.
i don't understand how the people of this country could, with any conscience, elect a leader from a state that boasted—actually boasted—the highest rate of execution of "criminals" (so-called, because we all know there are innocent people who end up on death row) of any state in the nation. i don't understand how there are people in this country—i'm guessing at least 60 percent, and that's probably naive—who are still supporting this so-called "leader" and the conflict, death, and destruction that he's so hell-bent on pursuing.
a big part of me is glad that i don't understand...because, if i did? what kind of person would i be?? but i just don't get it. my brain, which always needs to make sense of everything—even when it makes no sense to make sense of it—just can't wrap itself around everything that's going on in the world right now. i'm frustrated and unfocused and short-tempered and always tired...and fighting fear.
i sometimes find myself "praying"...as a self-proclaimed agnostic, i'm not exactly sure to whom (or what)...but i've been doing it a lot lately. an old habit, perhaps. more likely, a way to feel like i have some modicum of control over what's going on in the world. to fool myself into thinking, if only momentarily, that i have "a say".
i've been "praying" for peace. but it doesn't seem like anyone's listening.
1:13 PM
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