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i am: 40...a capricorn / moon in pisces / libra rising...an old soul with a young spirit...older than i look...contemplating my 3rd tattoo...NOT a web designer...a lesbian...working things out with the g.f....a native iowan...a graduate of cornell college and ohio state...a critical reader and thinker...really rather shy...agnostic...an ardent feminist...a bleeding-heart liberal...a pacifist...and so not your average white grrl...
e-mail me
feeling generous? *grin*
Who Links Here
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July 09, 2003
blog & blockalas, another whole week has gone by since i last blogged. i've probably written 10 posts in my head since then, but just haven't taken the time to commit them to paper screen. so yeah, i'm around...just unfocused. and busy commenting on other people's blogs instead of updating my own.
and also a little uptight. part of what's been swimming around in my head this week is the state of "popular music." even if i don't listen to it at all that much, i hate that some of it even exists. i mean, we have js singing "taste my ice cream" and "tell me, can you picture my body on a cone?" in sing-song childlike voices, against a bubblegum-and-ice-cream-truck backdrop. even if i didn't know the song was penned, produced, and arranged by a pervert him, i'd have guessed it. how can people tolerate actually like this shit?? i am deeply disturbed. i hear this song and i turn it off, just like i did with this one. ugh.
and then there's the mystery of senseless-censorship. even if i could ever get over the song's title, i'm still pissed off that "muthafucka" is always bleeped out of "move, b***h," but no one ever has a problem with the word, "f****t." grrrrrrrrrrrrr....
and i am so very sick of all the stupid posturing. if bonecrusher "ain't never scared," then why does he have to get his gun out of the trunk? and why does he repeat that phrase over and over and over? me thinks he doth protest too much.
if only bad music were the worst thing about the world. it turns out, she was a friend of sherri's...they worked together until last year. the whole thing is horrific enough, but just intensifies when it's someone you (almost) know. my brain went immediately to what she was feeling and thinking in her last few moments of life. and to what those little girls were going thru, and will deal with for the rest of their lives. i get sick thinking about it.
so much of what goes on in the world, i simply have to block out, or i would be completely unable to function. i would simply curl up in the fetal position and cry until my eyes were swollen shut (which actually takes about 20 minutes), and then fall into a fitful sleep. and then i would wake up and start crying again, and i'd just keep repeating that cycle, over and over and over again, until i was permanently blind, i had lost my job, my cats were dead of starvation, and even s had given up on me ever being a normal human being again. yeah...that's what i would do if i didn't block it out.
so...i block it out. which means that i can actually get excited about participating in focus groups and making an extra 60 bucks every now and again (as i did today). and look forward to little things like pirate movies. and ponder how beautiful johnny depp is, even without the eyeliner.
block it out...live your life. that's me, all day long.
4:30 PM
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