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i am: 40...a capricorn / moon in pisces / libra rising...an old soul with a young spirit...older than i look...contemplating my 3rd tattoo...NOT a web designer...a lesbian...working things out with the g.f....a native iowan...a graduate of cornell college and ohio state...a critical reader and thinker...really rather shy...agnostic...an ardent feminist...a bleeding-heart liberal...a pacifist...and so not your average white grrl...
e-mail me
feeling generous? *grin*
Who Links Here
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October 24, 2003
so much for thatfridays rock. for the same reasons that fridays rock for everyone else with monday-friday kinda gigs. i especially like that i don't have to go work out (who in her right mind would actually want to do aerobic activity after work on a friday?), and that i can wear jeans to work. realistically, i should probably work out 5 days a week, instead of 4; and i could probably wear jeans to work any of those days. but on fridays, being lazy and wearing jeans both feel extra-acceptable.
today, i'm rocking dark levi's in my favorite style (which has been discontinued in my size range and can only be found on e-bay), in a size smaller than i wore 2 weeks ago. they're accompanied by a new chocolate brown sweater and long-sleeved white t-shirt from eddie bauer that i could only justify if i bought them in a smaller size. i tried them on this morning, figuring i'd have to wait a few more weeks and at least a few more pounds before they would fit. but whaddya know? they fit now. a little more snugly than i prefer, but it works.
i always feel taller when i've lost a little weight. when i look at myself in the mirror, i just seem to look longer. and when i stand up, i imagine myself "rising to my full height." those are the exact words that pop into my head, which is funny. because, while i'm taller than the average woman, i'm still only 5' 9".
i say all this to say, i was feeling pretty good today. that is, until.
until i just had to satisfy my curiosity by asking s if she'd found an apartment. turns out, she has. she should hear back from them about her application today.
then, i just had to take it a step further, by asking the "when" question. we hadn't talked about it in over a week, and this "in-between" time—when we both know she's moving out, but aren't sure when it's happening—has been awkward and difficult. some days, everything feels fine. we're laughing together, doing our normal stuff together. but then...i remember.
"when the kids leave **, i guess," she said. apparently, she can only get the $99-deposit special if she starts paying rent on the first of the month.**i'm just realizing that i haven't blogged about this...but sherri and niq are leaving for the bahamas tomorrow—a trip all 4 of us were initially supposed to take, together—and we're keeping niq's their 3 kids—ages 15, 10, and 6—until they return on november 3rd. i had thought that it would at least be november 15th. but almost as soon as the kids are gone and our lives would be getting back to normal...our lives will very quickly be anything but normal.
so much for feeling pretty good today. now, i just want to throw up.
11:36 AM
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