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"No one's striving to be Miles Davis. Everybody's striving to get paid. And, you know, I wanna be like Miles Davis."
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reading...
life on the color line: the true story of a white boy who discovered he was black by gregory howard williams

recently finished...
anagrams by lorrie moore

the dew breaker by edwidge danticat
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the mysteries of pittsburgh by michael chabon

she's not there: a life in two genders by jennifer finney boylan

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i am: 40...a capricorn / moon in pisces / libra rising...an old soul with a young spirit...older than i look...contemplating my 3rd tattoo...NOT a web designer...a lesbian...working things out with the g.f....a native iowan...a graduate of cornell college and ohio state...a critical reader and thinker...really rather shy...agnostic...an ardent feminist...a bleeding-heart liberal...a pacifist...and so not your average white grrl...

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an esoteric soul
 
November 25, 2003  

overwhelmed

last week was an exhausting whirlwind from which i'm still recovering. in addition to the stuff you already know about, here's what's rocking my world:

the part-time gig
last monday, i stopped by this market research joint after yoga class, to apply for a part-time job. i don't really want another job, mind you...i value my free time enormously, and i work hard enough at my real job...but i've discovered that free time is a) a lot less fun without a certain someone with whom to share it; and b) more expendable than the time, energy, and money it would take to find a new place to live and move into it. and anyway, i can keep busy, stay out of apple-martini-serving bars trouble, and pick up a pittance a bit of extra cash to alleviate some financial stress, all at the same time.

so tuesday, they called to do a phone interview. wednesday, i went in for 3 1/2 hours of training. thursday, i worked my first 4-hour shift. last nite, i worked my second. *whew* it's nothing special. i'm doing telephone surveys...or at least attempting to. in two 4-hour shifts, i have only completed two surveys. the rest of the probably hundreds of calls i made ended in various other ways, including copious hang-ups during my introduction (despite my sexy pleasant phone voice), disconnected numbers, requests for call-backs, determinations that no qualified participants were available, and a man telling me i was rude for calling him at 9:25 p.m. (with which i really couldn't disagree).

it's not a bad job, nor is it difficult...and i only have to work 12 hours a week, so even the fact that i'm not "a phone person" isn't that big of a deal (but ohhh, the irony...). the thing is, because we're calling californians for this project, most shifts are 8:30 pm to 12:30 am...so, by the time i get home, i'm tired, but just wound-up enough that i can't go to sleep. last nite, the last time i looked at the clock, it was 2:30...which is awfully close to my 6 o'clock alarm. *yawn*

the potential new full-time gig
one week ago (last tuesday), i met some people for coffee re: a new job opportunity, and i think i blew them away; i have an interview with their bosses next week. it sounds like a great job...the salary is probably ~14% more than i make now, i would have the word, "director" in my title, and i could get away from my boss things here that have made my life hell at various and numerous times over the last 6 1/2 years.

the down side (you know there always is one) is that, because i would be leaving the university, this job would not bring with it the truly fabulous benefits i have now...in terms of vacation and sick leave, retirement savings, medical insurance and coverage, and pretty much everything else. i'm not even sure if i could still get my season tickets.... *sigh*

another factor concerns our department's new vice president (my boss's new boss). less than an hour after my pre-interview coffee meeting last tuesday, i attended our first all-staff meeting with our new leader. already, he seems to have plans to shake things up a little, in a GOOD way...in ways that could potentially benefit me directly. in addition, the guy has already set foot in my office twice, in less than 3 weeks, while his predecessor did not cross my threshhold once—in 6 whole years. so of course, these phenomena must be factored into (possible) decision-making about the potential new gig...i.e., how can i leave NOW, when some of the worst and most frustrating things about this department might actually change for the better??

so of course, i am fretting over a decision that i may not ever even have to make...because that is just my way.

further complicating the process of learning more about this job to discover whether or not i really want it (i.e., next week's interview) is the fact that i have lost 25 pounds. while that's not really a lot, considering the weight at which i started (trust me; it's not), my problem is that my clothes no longer fit—particularly my business attire and most noticeably, the pants. i went out and bought a new suit (fortunately, at half-price) for last week's meeting, but i'm hardly in the position to keep doing that. suits are expensive, especially when you're not exactly petite, you have a modicum of style, and you're a woman—which means you can't just change the shirt and the tie for a whole new look.

(note: i just returned from 1) a little trip to a consignment shop, where i spent $42 on 3 like-new talbot's silk blouses in different colors—3 sizes smaller than i would have purchased a year ago *grin*; and 2) a session with a seamstress (is there a more modern word for that??), who will charge me ~$125 to alter 2 suits and 5 extra pairs of pants. i think it will be money well spent.)

the art of diversifying diversity
this is a good something, but it's still a little overwhelming, especially in combination with all of the above and below. one day last week, after leaving me hanging for hours in between her cryptic e-mails, my department's hr director stopped by to talk. remember when i was booted off the diversity committee because of some comments i had made about this department not being welcoming toward glbt staff? well...i'm back ON the committee now. it turns out that said hr director was meeting with the interim vice president—one of those responsible for booting me from the committee—and the new vice president, and the topic of the committee came up. the hr person said, to the interim vp: "other areas of the university are doing some interesting things with respect to diversity, and i think we can, too. but we need motivated people who can lead the committee to actually accomplish something...and you know who i'm talking about." when the new vp asked who they were talking about, my name was said, and the rest is history. i don't know if i'll ever be empowered to get anything done...but at least i'm back on the damned committee! now, if i could just find some time to review the materials for tuesday's meeting....

the dog-and-pony show
i am co-presenting at a huge conference in december. did i mention that i am terrified of speaking in front of groups?? i can't even remember how i got myself into this, but i could just... *kicking myself*

so, yeah...i've got some shit going on. 2:38 PM

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