* * *




"No one's striving to be Miles Davis. Everybody's striving to get paid. And, you know, I wanna be like Miles Davis."
~Meshell Ndegeocello


order dance of the infidel

click for all things meshell


reading...
life on the color line: the true story of a white boy who discovered he was black by gregory howard williams

recently finished...
anagrams by lorrie moore

the dew breaker by edwidge danticat
(thanks, deshi!)

the mysteries of pittsburgh by michael chabon

she's not there: a life in two genders by jennifer finney boylan

venture...
all about george
anziblog
bgb.com
the brotherlove
btrfly_locs
the desh in me
ej flavors
kevin.daily
lynne d johnson
naya hri
NegroPlease
nubian soul
on a path
pheline
sister outsider
prime time
small hands
studpoet.com
that bitch



 
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i am: 40...a capricorn / moon in pisces / libra rising...an old soul with a young spirit...older than i look...contemplating my 3rd tattoo...NOT a web designer...a lesbian...working things out with the g.f....a native iowan...a graduate of cornell college and ohio state...a critical reader and thinker...really rather shy...agnostic...an ardent feminist...a bleeding-heart liberal...a pacifist...and so not your average white grrl...

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feeling generous? *grin*





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an esoteric soul
 
July 31, 2003  

the hotness

despite all the bad reviews, i loved it. i want to be lara croft when i grow up. hell, i wouldn't even mind being angelina jolie. okay, so she's a little crazy. but she sure does look hot in a bikini.

have you seen the new
gap commercial featuring missy and madonna? totally hot. and an interesting combination of talent.

hotter still is the
new video featuring missy, beyonce, free, and mc lyte. whoa. okay?? everything missy touches is hotter than it was before. and is it just me, or does lyte keep getting hotter and hotter with each passing year?

i may have to quit watching
the real world altogether...this is just so much more fun. and the crib makeovers have been undeniably hot.

and yeah...i'm still crushing on
him because...he's, like...totally hot.

by the way...which johnny depp are you?

You Are Ichabod Crane From "Sleepy Hollow."


You're a deep thinker - most times logically. You're a bit of a neat freak and a wuss (hey, you do faint a lot!) but you do have the ability to overcome your fears and come out stronger in the end. And you never lose your head over things. (Gufaw gufaw!)

Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!
12:57 PM

July 25, 2003  

reunions

earlier this week, our mailman delivered the photo and booklet from my class reunion, held in june. i had had no desire whatsoever to actually attend, but as soon as i saw that envelope with the reunion committee chair's return address, i tore into it as if it held gold, rather than an 8x10 of a bunch of people i don't know anymore and a list of who they married, their kids' names and ages, and what they've been doing for the last 20 years.

as i was studying the photograph and matching faces to names on the attached list, s was thumbing through the booklet. one thing she noticed was how few people went to college, compared with her graduating class (her 10th reunion was a few years ago). i'd probably chalk that up to two factors: 1) the fact that more high school graduates were probably headed for college in 1990 than in 1983, given how the job market increasingly treats an undergraduate degree as it did a high school diploma not too many years ago; and 2) the fact that s went to a large urban high school, while i attended a consolidated school in a small town, with kids from farms and even smaller towns as far as 25 miles away.

when i spotted a particular person in the photo, i got all happy. i hadn't thought about robert in years, but i always liked him. he was very sweet, but never dated anyone (at least not that we knew about) and was always teased by the other guys for that. we loved him, tho. it was always "the girls" and robert at all the parties. on prom night my senior year—after i was dumped and dateless—we all went to a keg party in a cornfield, and i remember robert pulling me up after i'd fallen while trying to navigate the deep, roughly plowed furrows.

so anyway, i said to s, "hey, look up robert ______! see what he's doing!" he looked all happy and smiling and exactly like he looked at graduation, 20 years ago. she flipped thru the pages and said nonchalantly, "oh, he's gay." i screamed, "YAY, ROBERT ______! YAAAAAAAAAY!!!" listing "mr. todd ______" as his spouse, he also mentioned a dog named barney and a career as a flight attendant and restaurant owner. *grin*

yes, perusing the booklet this week has been interesting. of the 110 classmates who responded with information about themselves (out of a class of ~180):
* 4 are deceased (including a friend of mine, a week before graduation)
* 3 have doctoral degrees (pharmacy, computer science, speech & hearing science)
* 1 is an m.d. (a co-valedictorian; in hawaii, no less)
* 9 have master's degrees (chemical engineering, industrial engineering, divinity, music, curriculum & instruction, horticulture & agricultural education...and me, in english)
* 25 have bachelor's degrees (most in business)
* 28 have associate's degrees (most in business or from tech schools)

* 9 are farmers (or are married to farmers)
* 5 are cosmetologists
* 5 have served or now serve in the military
* 3 are registered nurses
* 3 are pastors
* 1 is an fbi agent
* 1 is an opera singer

* 80 stayed in or moved back to iowa
*41 stayed or moved back to the area (within a 25-mile radius)
* 13 live in states not contiguous to iowa (mostly arizona and texas)
* 1 lives overseas (germany)
* 10 have children named "brandon" or "tyler" (one has one of each)
* 2 listed same-sex spouses (robert and me)
* 2 are (female) teachers and phys ed coaches with conspicuously blank "spouse" and "family" sections (both were jocks in high school...one was named to a big ten "all 1980s" sports team, and the other my friend, who was rumored, 21 years ago, to have been found late at night, in a car with the [female] basketball and softball coach, half naked....)
now, i sort-of wish that i'd gone to the reunion. i could still go to
my other one, but...i'm just not feeling it like i was a few months ago. perhaps in another 5 or 10 years, i'll be ready.
4:22 PM

July 18, 2003  

tastebud titillation

last nite, s surprised me with reservations to my favorite restaurant, the refectory. it was lovely, from the fresh seasonal mesclun salad with maple syrup vinaigrette...to the pan-seared walleye, served with a chablis red bellpepper sauce, a ragout of crayfish (in the cutest little basket made of something that tasted like cheese, but thin and crispy), the tiniest slivers of carrot, and a little fez-shaped mound of couscous...to the meringue hazelnut gateau, a cylindrical tower of nutty mousse, layered with circular slices of crunchy meringue, dusted with chocolate, topped with a dark chocolate truffle and a mint leaf, and surrounded by "paislies" of cassis and mango coulis. even s liked the walleye, and she's not the fish fan that i am.

i think i may have seen her eyes cross briefly when she took the first bite of her new york strip, which she had cut with a regular table knife and not the slightest bit of effort. i didn't try that, of course, but her made-to-order warm pear tart, served with pistachio ice cream and mango, vanilla, and raspberry coulis was to die for.

ohhhh, how i love food. especially
their food. it's always delicious, interesting, and stunningly presented, and the service is impeccable. admittedly, the ambience of the place is a little stuffy. and while there's the usual tableful of asian businessmen, the only black person i've ever seen there is s. but sometimes, it's possible to overlook these shortcomings, especially with the food, people...the food...as motivation.

it's also not cheap. this is not someplace we visit on the regular...only for special occasions, or when we've got some fairly substantial extra cash lying around, burning a hole in our collective pocket. but i guess that's part of what makes it special...along with someone who just goes ahead and makes reservations out of the blue, in the middle of the week, for no apparent reason....
4:31 PM

July 11, 2003  

boycrushing

i have a confession to make.
*whispering* i have a crush on johnny depp.
it's those eyes. it's those cheekbones. it's those quirky roles. it's that slightly dangerous "edge". it's the fact that he doesn't like hollywood and now lives in france with his (french model/actress/singer) wife and 2 (presumably) beautiful children. it's all of those things.

it's actually pretty consistent with all the other obsessions boycrushes i used to have, way back when. those boys were all, in one way or another, completely inaccessible. either way, way, way out of my league, or involved with someone else, or too shy to even date, or just plain not interested. it took me years to realize that i was picking the inaccessible ones for a reason. (in my very best mike-meyers-as-linda-richman voice) who knew?? *grin*

when i admitted my crush to s last nite, she said she couldn't even talk, because she has a crush on
tyler florence. when i said, "i like cheekbones!", she replied, "i like chicken bones!" *lol*

somehow, i don't feel so weird anymore.
5:19 PM

July 09, 2003  

blog & block

alas, another whole week has gone by since i last blogged. i've probably written 10 posts in my head since then, but just haven't taken the time to commit them to paper screen. so yeah, i'm around...just unfocused. and busy commenting on other people's blogs instead of updating my own.

and also a little uptight. part of what's been swimming around in my head this week is the state of "popular music." even if i don't listen to it at all that much, i hate that some of it even exists. i mean, we have
js singing "taste my ice cream" and "tell me, can you picture my body on a cone?" in sing-song childlike voices, against a bubblegum-and-ice-cream-truck backdrop. even if i didn't know the song was penned, produced, and arranged by a pervert him, i'd have guessed it. how can people tolerate actually like this shit?? i am deeply disturbed. i hear this song and i turn it off, just like i did with this one. ugh.

and then there's the mystery of senseless-censorship. even if i could ever get over the song's title, i'm still pissed off that "muthafucka" is always bleeped out of
"move, b***h," but no one ever has a problem with the word, "f****t." grrrrrrrrrrrrr....

and i am so very sick of all the stupid posturing. if bonecrusher
"ain't never scared," then why does he have to get his gun out of the trunk? and why does he repeat that phrase over and over and over? me thinks he doth protest too much.

if only bad music were the worst thing about the world. it turns out,
she was a friend of sherri's...they worked together until last year. the whole thing is horrific enough, but just intensifies when it's someone you (almost) know. my brain went immediately to what she was feeling and thinking in her last few moments of life. and to what those little girls were going thru, and will deal with for the rest of their lives. i get sick thinking about it.

so much of what goes on in the world, i simply have to block out, or i would be completely unable to function. i would simply curl up in the fetal position and cry until my eyes were swollen shut (which actually takes about 20 minutes), and then fall into a fitful sleep. and then i would wake up and start crying again, and i'd just keep repeating that cycle, over and over and over again, until i was permanently blind, i had lost my job, my cats were dead of starvation, and even s had given up on me ever being a normal human being again. yeah...that's what i would do if i didn't block it out.

so...i block it out. which means that i can actually get excited about participating in
focus groups and making an extra 60 bucks every now and again (as i did today). and look forward to little things like pirate movies. and ponder how beautiful johnny depp is, even without the eyeliner.

block it out...live your life. that's me, all day long.
4:30 PM

July 02, 2003  

see? i told you.

people are talking about breathless. did i not tell you that she was about to blow up? she quit her day job and, opening up recently for the likes of trina and dmx, and sharing the stage with mystic, i would say she's well on her way. wouldn't you?
3:24 PM

 
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