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i am: 40...a capricorn / moon in pisces / libra rising...an old soul with a young spirit...older than i look...contemplating my 3rd tattoo...NOT a web designer...a lesbian...working things out with the g.f....a native iowan...a graduate of cornell college and ohio state...a critical reader and thinker...really rather shy...agnostic...an ardent feminist...a bleeding-heart liberal...a pacifist...and so not your average white grrl...
e-mail me
feeling generous? *grin*
Who Links Here
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January 23, 2004
change & the comfort junkiei've been so busy that i haven't even had time to blog about it, but...
i've taken the new job.
you see, the "offer" made to me to stay late last week would have more appropriately been termed an "insult," on many levels. so...while i probably could have chosen to stay, i would not have respected myself in the morning. so it had to be done. i accepted the new job and gave my notice here on tuesday.
i was in shock for a few days. first, over the offer insult. no one likes to be told (in so many words) how completely unimportant and replaceable they are, especially when they know this to be false. second, over having to leave the place that has been my home—and (some of) its people, my family—for the last 9 years. i was in a total funk...couldn't stop crying...spent hours on the phone with my mother (who was distraught that we're a day's drive apart)...and went out drinking with "the boys" 3 nights in a row, which i haven't done in years. and i'm sure it still hasn't really hit me, even now.
late yesterday, the e-mail announcement of my impending departure went out. seconds later, my phone started ringing and my in-box started pinging. even if my boss and his superiors don't appreciate me—or even fully understand what it is that i do, and my impact on this operation—it's abundantly clear that my colleagues do. people are actually worried about how they will be able to do their jobs without me. i guess i can feel good about that.
i'm not to the point, yet, where i'm excited about my new job. i still have several weeks left here, and a lot to accomplish before i leave. and i'm sad. i can't even really explain my attachment to this place...it's somehow bigger than just the people i know, the things i've accomplished, the bad times i've survived. i just know that i feel sad when i think about leaving it.
and i'm scared. in the context of the rest of my life...more change is not what i wanted, or even what i thought i needed. i feel like i'm on that ride at the fair...where you get in the big giant cylindrical "room" and it spins around and around until the floor drops out. and you're glued to the walls by the centrifugal force.
but will my "floor" rise back up when the spinning stops? like it does on the ride? that's what i'm unsure about.
nope. no comfort zones, here. no-siree-robert.
1:30 PM
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