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"No one's striving to be Miles Davis. Everybody's striving to get paid. And, you know, I wanna be like Miles Davis."
~Meshell Ndegeocello


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reading...
life on the color line: the true story of a white boy who discovered he was black by gregory howard williams

recently finished...
anagrams by lorrie moore

the dew breaker by edwidge danticat
(thanks, deshi!)

the mysteries of pittsburgh by michael chabon

she's not there: a life in two genders by jennifer finney boylan

venture...
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anziblog
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ej flavors
kevin.daily
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NegroPlease
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prime time
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i am: 40...a capricorn / moon in pisces / libra rising...an old soul with a young spirit...older than i look...contemplating my 3rd tattoo...NOT a web designer...a lesbian...working things out with the g.f....a native iowan...a graduate of cornell college and ohio state...a critical reader and thinker...really rather shy...agnostic...an ardent feminist...a bleeding-heart liberal...a pacifist...and so not your average white grrl...

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an esoteric soul
 
February 05, 2004  

the card

when i left to go to work this morning, i discovered that the front passenger window of my car had been busted out, and some things were stolen. not much, thankfully...the alarm (which i didn't hear) probably scared them off...just a leather portfolio (which must have slipped to the floor and eluded my glance around as i got out of the car) containing several copies of my resume (which is a little disconcerting), an engraved pen-and-pencil set that i got for my 5-year anniversary in this job (isn't that ironic?), a bunch of information about my new place of employment, some other papers, and the title to my car...the latter of which is, to my surprise, quite easily replaceable. they left $1.75 in parking meter money, 3 pairs of sunglasses, a hairbrush, an ice scraper/brush, 2 books, and the cd changer and cds in the trunk (which they didn't get into at all). so...no sweat. tho it was a little weird that my car had been parked in 3 different places yesterday between the time i left work and the time i got home...all of which were in the same rather questionable neighborhood...and nothing happened until i got home and parked in front of my own house, one block off one of the busiest streets in town, in a neighborhood with a very visible police presence.

but there was one more thing in that portfolio that cannot be replaced: they took
the card. now, sandra has given me many, many cards and letters over the years, and i've kept them all. but that was the one i carried around with me. i usually forgot it was in there, amidst all the other papers and stuff. but i spotted it at some point yesterday, and my heart leapt...and then sank. so much has changed. i can hardly believe that it's 3 months ago today that she moved out.

i'm glad that i blogged about
the card, so that its words...which conjure up my exact feelings upon receiving and reading it...are preserved for posterity (provided blogger doesn't just up and disappear someday). but this card, this symbol, is now gone. and i have cried several times today over that. isn't that crazy??

it's just that...
that card so perfectly captured the experience of how we met...not to mention our feelings 5 years later. she had given it to me during a time when all was right with us, or at least it felt that way. and i'm so afraid that we won't be able to get to a place that feels like that, ever again.

and i fucking hate that fucking people just break into your fucking car and steal stuff that is completely meaningless to them and not even valuable, but that means so much to you. people suck.
11:33 AM

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